Relief...

Last week I had a moderate case of "I'm a terrible writer and I'll never have another good idea." It is a familar part of my creative process. Self-doubt turns to self-loathing--but I usually keep from falling completely into the maelstrom. Usually.

I hate feeling like I'll never snap out of it and that I have to face the fact I am a fraud.

Yesterday, I wrote a few words of a short story I've been thinking about, and ended up crossing out everything. Alas...

Today, I went back to my notebook, but instead of trying to write the story, I opened a thesaurus. I picked through it, writing down words that fit with the title, the theme, the emotions of the story. Brainstorming. An opening sentence came to me. And then another.

I had only a few minutes before I had to leave for work, and I wrote with extreme urgency without censure. I was sure I was going to scrub most of it during revision, but at least I had something to work with instead of the terrifying blank page.

Later in the day I opened my notebook to the collection of hand-written words from the thesaurus; right in the middle of the page was the most perfect word for the title. And the few sentences on the next page weren't bad. Some of it was pretty good. One sentence--or rather one phrase--was, dare I say, brilliant? I was finally writing the story I had imagined.

This cycle will repeat itself, over and over again, for the rest of my life. I know this. But I also know the secret: "keep going."

Camp NaNoWriMo

NaNoWriMo (National Novel Writing Month) is held in November, but NaNo-ers wanted the experience other times of the year, so we now have Camp NaNoWriMo twice a year: June and August.

If you write and want to have some fun and support from an international on-line writing community, check it out--it's free!

Camp begins today.

I'm back...

It's been a while--that's the nature of the blog, I suppose.


A publisher is interested in my third book. This is the closest I've come to being published, and it's scary in a good way. I will post updates here and on facebook, so feel free to friend me for news. In the meantime, I am going to continue putting writing prompts and other hints about writing erotica here on this blog since I got so much good feedback about it before.

Today's writing prompt (poem or short story):

"Burned by Love"

Surprises

We like surprises in our erotica. The sexy librarian is smart and reserved, but, unexpectedly and under certain circumstances, her wild side is awakened. Her strength is in her sexuality.

This made me start thinking about what would be surprising in a man. We expect the hero to be strong and powerful, so a vulnerabilty may surprise us and make him more human. And how delightful it is for the heroine when his vulnerability turns out to be his uncontrollable desire for her own sweet self. Which makes her feel more attractive and dynamic.

Her sexuality is her strength, and his sexual feelings make him vulnerable--one enhances the other.

Exercise:

What other kinds of surprises are sexy? Make a list. Use at least one in a scene.

Dream Diary

My dear husband told me about a dream he had about the two of us.

He went into great detail, including the scent of my skin, his kisses down my spine, the way my hands looked on his body, the sexy outfit I wore, how turned on he was...it was so flattering to hear it. I mean, for heaven's sake, a sexy dream about his own wife. Of course I wanted to make his dream come true for him.

I was spurned on to start a diary the two of us can keep, one filled with dreams and fantasies and memories. I may start with a questionaire we can each fill in separately and then compare notes.

Exercise:

Start your own diary, by yourself if you don't have a current lover. Write out your fantasies: those you wish to fulfill, and those you'd never want to do in real life. Don't share your thoughts if you think your lover might be upset you've been pretending he's George Clooney.

If you have a sexy dream, don't get out of bed right away, don't even move. Keep your eyes closed, and revisit the vision. Don't judge. Once you think you've mulled over every feature, then reach for your pen and notebook by the bed. Write down every detail.

Breaking the Rules

Characters in erotica are usually fabulously good-looking, between 25 and 35 years old, and have some kind of white-collar high-paying executive career in a glamourous big city--like just about everybody you know, right?

The cliche probably comes from those sex-and-shopping novels that hit a peak in the 1980s. Great fun if you like that kind of thing, but the sex is a little too reserved and predictable for my taste, and I don't recognize a lot of the designer labels. Not much is left after that.

So who would you never expect to find in an erotic novel? Here are a few I'm including in my stories: A plus-sized caterer. An inn-keeper in a small town. A carpenter. A middle-aged couple--married, no less! Yes, marriage can be sexy, and I'm going to prove it.

See the following books for more on diversity in erotica:

On my bookshelf:

Stranger, by Megan Hart

The female main character is, of all things, a funeral home director. The author is some kind of genius; in spite of the serious setting, the story is unexpectedly amusing and erotic. Hart also takes one of the old stand-by fantasies--an older woman initiating an inexperienced younger man--and puts a subtle twist on it. The "younger man" coyly engages the "older woman" in a charming role-playing game. I think one of the reasons it's hot because it's so realistic.

The Joy of Writing Sex, by Elizabeth Benedict

Benedict lists different sexual situations (adultery, gay, first time, etc.) and gives examples and advice on each. It's not a book about writing erotica, but it's a good one to have if you want some realism and variety in your sex scenes.

Variations on Archetypal Plots

A story can be sexy, but a good story has to have a plot, too.

There are only so many plots, but for each one there are unlimited stories to tell. Think about Romeo and Juliet and West Side Story--same plot, but very different approaches. More recently, Taming of the Shrew became 10 Things I Hate About You, and Jane Austen's Emma inspired Clueless.

Exercise:

Think about a fairy tale or classic story that means something to you. Just using the bare outline of the story, write a quick paragraph or two outlining a plot of your own. It doesn't have to contain every element; the original might be just an inspiration for yours.

Now write several more, based on that same original story. You may come up with something splendid for your eighth try. Keep a journal of your attempts, and when you feel stuck in your writing, come back to the journal and try again with a different story.

On my bookshelf:
Nancy Madore has written several collections of erotic short stories based on fairy tales. My favorites are her first two: The Twelve Dancing Princesses and Enchanted.

Movie to watch:
If you haven't already seen it, rent the video Shakespeare in Love, a very sexy, romantic comedy. It isn't a historically accurate account, but the references to Shakespeare and his plays are beautifully woven into the story in a clever and fresh way. Does it have a happy ending? "It's a mystery."

Valentine's Day

I happened to be browsing the internet, and found a Wikipedia entry for "Erotic Literature." link

Interesting to see some history of the genre. I plan to check out some of the classics--if they haven't been swiped from the library shelves.

Getting in the mood...to write.

A friend I write with said, "I know you're writing something naughty, because your face is really red!" Well, I do blush sometimes, but sometimes it's just really hot in the library. I'm taking off my sweater.

I've been thinking about some of my favorite rituals before I begin to write a sexy scene. One of the most important: chocolate. And not just any chocolate, but Mozart Chocolates from Austria. A friend sent some from Europe, but I need to find a local distributor because they're almost gone.

I know a bubble bath is a cliche, but there's a reason it's a cliche--it's lovely. Canus Goat's Milk Foaming Bath has a wonderful fragrance, long lasting bubbles, and a very affordable price.

Pre de Provence makes exquisite soaps, some with olive oil--so silky on the skin. I find some scents overpowering, but their lemon verbena and lavender scented soaps are delicate and fresh.

I've been replacing what's in my socks and underwear drawer with things I wouldn't be ashamed of being discovered in. How can I feel sexy when I'm wearing Grandma's panties? I discarded the three in a package bargain brands and made room for some sweet bits of lace with bows.

I guess I want to treat myself as well as I'd want the characters in my stories to be treated.

Time to curl up with a mug of chocolate made the way the Aztecs drank it--with hot chili peppers--and now I'm ready to write...

Recipe for Aztec Hot Chocolate

2 cups milk
4 oz. bittersweet chocolate
1 to 4 chili peppers, cut in half lengthwise and seeded
optional: cinnamon stick, vanilla bean

Put milk and chocolate in top of double boiler, heat gently and whisk until smooth. Turn off heat but leave upper pot over the hot water. Add chili pepper (and vanilla bean and cinnamon stick if desired) and let stand for a few minutes. Strain, return to pot, and whisk until frothy. Pour into mugs and enjoy with your sweetie.

Erotica and Depression

Severe depression: it's not just feeling sad, and it's not something a person can "snap out of." It's a serious medical condition. It happened to me a few years ago, and it is happening to a dear friend of mine right now.

Having a passion for life and for love makes us feel human, alive. Losing your sex drive can make you feel even more depressed than you already are. And the medications for depression often have "sexual side effects." Oh, yippie, sexual side effects, just what a depressed person needs! If the medication doesn't completely crush your sex drive, it may subdue your ability to have an orgasm. Oh boy, thanks a lot, Doc, where do I stand in line for some of that? Does it have to be a choice between feeling unhappy and feeling numb?

The good news is that there are effective meds for depression that don't have those side effects. So if you are feeling depressed, hopeless, unable to do what you once could, don't be afraid to talk to your doctor.

And then get yourself some nice, erotic novels and come back to life.

Happy Birthday to me!

I always take a day off for my birthday like it's my own private holiday. The last few years I've gone into Boston and stopped by Good Vibrations, a very sexy boutique, to buy a gift for myself.

Good Vibrations

It's a very pleasant, clean, bright, and friendly shop. There are all sizes and types of vibrators and dildoes, but they are displayed so tastefully it doesn't seem weird. It's a sex shop a woman can feel comfortable in, by herself or with a lover. The nice salesgirls will leave you alone if you want to browse and touch everything, but they are ready to answer any questions--I mean it, any questions--and they don't look at you funny.

There's a wall of shelves with different kinds of condoms, lubes, and massage oils, most with test samples to check out. They even have glass cases with vintage vibrators and historical information like a museum would. It is very interesting, but I always wonder how they came to have vibrators from the 1940s. Did they ask their great-grandmas for their old ones? Seriously, where would one begin to look?

There's a separate room with videos and books, and some nice comfy seats right next to the hand-crafted bondage equipment. I spent about an hour looking through the books before I bought a few. I am endlessly fascinated by my fellow humans' tastes and activities. Some I can relate to, some I just don't get. I mean, why would anyone enjoy getting spanked? It's fine for others if somebody likes it and no one is harmed, but what's fun about that? On the other hand I can totally understand why people like to tie each other up or wear those dangerously high heels.

So I'm reading some of the books. The sacrifices I make to do my research!

Homework:
Check out some of the sex books in the psychology or sexuality sections in your library or local bookstore for new ideas or to add authentic details to your writing. If that's not possible, try some online sources.

Here are some suggestions:

Two Knotty Boys

Topping & Bottoming

Good Vibration's Guide

or check out Good Vibration's online store for some excellent suggestions

Happy reading!

Happy New Year!

This week I've been looking through the catalogue at my library for the kind of videos that teach women how to move like a stripper: lap dancing, floor work, and--good grief--twirling around a pole. Nothing at the library. I spoke to the librarian who orders the videos, and at first she laughed. I'm pretty sure she thought I was kidding with her. She claims she might get some.

I'm not an exhibitionist, but I can totally see myself doing the dances and really getting into it. But only if I were alone in the house. The fantasy does not include an audience, not even my husband who's crazy about me and thinks I'm sexy. I'm afraid I'd feel foolish. But I'll bet he would appreciate having a private lap dancer who also does laundry and cooks a great dinner for him.

It is giving me some ideas for a new story. So now I'm going to have to do the research.

Now where is a good place to install that pole?

"Look, Grandma! I wrote a book!"

"What kind of book are you writing? Can I read some?"

I'm truthful with my friends and some family members. To be honest, I sometimes like to see the reactions I get from people.

My girlfriends are absolutely giddy anticipating reading the completed book. I did email them--with a warning--one of the hottest scenes I've finished so far, and I was surprised at their reactions. The friend whom I thought was the most conservative is the one begging loudest for more.

But what about everybody else? Do I want my co-workers to know my sexual self? Will I want to do a public reading in a bookstore? Should it be a racy scene, or something more neutral? And what if they are expecting a stunning sex goddess and are disappointed to see, um, well, me--a somewhat average looking middle-aged woman.

Heck, this is what a writer of erotica looks like. Deal with it!

What happens afterwards?

I have two couples interacting in a very intense sexual encounter as a foursome. Each person has a history with at least two of the others, so I have opportunity to explore lots of possibilities.

But, one of my problems is: How do I know when it's the end of the scene? It seems simple to say it's over when the last person has had an orgasm, but that's not really true. There are consequences. The participants have learned something about themselves and each other. How have they changed? How do they behave with one another now?

Two are staying (it's their home). The two who are leaving have been estranged up until this scene and still haven't reconciled. There's still some unfinished business and healing to be done. Do they retrieve their underwear and say, "See ya" and that's it? Of course not.

Some of this can be explored in later scenes, but I am having trouble thinking of how to wrap up this particular scene.

There's no generic answer--a lot depends on what happens in the scene, what happened before, and the characters themselves. I have plenty of time to work this out. I just finished the first few chapters, and this encounter happens near the end.

I've discovered there are two kinds of writers--those who have to have a plan, and those who need to discover the story as they write it. Even though I like to have the whole book outlined from beginning to end before I even start to write, I think I'm going to have to let this scene resolve itself as I get to it.

That's not easy for me to do, but if it was easy anyone could do it...

Sex with a stranger

It starts with some flirty and then teasing talk, standing close and casually touching each other, and then one of you says in a meaningful way, "Let's go up to my room (or out to my car)" or one takes the other's hand and asks, "Wanna go someplace more private?" and leads him or her to a quiet room or closet or corner of the garden or whatever.

Then, on the way there's usually no talking at all, maybe slight grinning at each other 'cause you have this naughty secret between you and you know what's going to happen very soon. Or maybe some gasping and furrowing of eyebrows as you wordlessly convey that you're shocked, yes shocked, that you are really doing this and you just can't believe it but you just can't stop yourself. If you do say anything, it's "I can't believe I'm doing this, I really can't" or "This isn't like me, it really isn't."

Once at the destination there's the heavy breathing, groaning and gasping and ripping off of clothing. Sometimes only half the clothing comes off, 'cause you can't wait another moment. And there's mad mad sex, not in the missionary position, but something a little more daring and possibly uncomfortable like up against a wall, or on the ground, or with your back pressed against the steering wheel steaming up the car windows, with the risk of getting caught in the act or found out later.

You don't care how slutty you act because you'll (presumably) never see this person again, and you're free to expose the wild side that you're too modest or reserved or scared to let your everyday lover see. This anonymous person is not going to judge you or say no to anything. They want you, and they want you now. You feel liberated.

And when it's over, it's over. One or both of you has to dash out, because someone will be wondering where you are.

And there's usually some evidence later--your car is parked somewhere it doesn't belong at a time it shouldn't be there, or you're driving home at sunrise, or you have carpet burns, suspicious bruising, clothing ripped and stained with makeup or tell-tale fluids, broken zippers or missing buttons, and you show up at work hungover, with streaked makeup, ratty hair, and wearing last night's party dress all wrinkled, no underwear, and your pantyhose in your purse. And, depending on the circumstances, you're completely filled with either shame or pride, sometimes alternating between the two.

(Previously posted by me on the NaNoWriMo site when someone had a question about anonymous sex. This will probably show up in an edited and more detailed version in my novel.)

Favorite Fantasies

Some of women's favorite sexual fantasies include:
group or 3-some
famous person
stranger
same gender
having an audience
exotic location
former lover
faceless stranger
domination
submissiveness
the forbidden
younger man
rich, powerful man
prostitution
sexy clothing
being adored
making a porn film
add your own...

Exercises:
Write out one of your favorite fantasies as a story with characters other than yourself.

Try writing a different scenario than you usually do--maybe even combine more than one element from the list above to create a zestier scene!

On My Bookshelf:
Nancy Friday has written several collections of women's fantasies, and one of men's. The fantasies as written are not complete stories themselves, but some of them may inspire you.

Erotic without sex

Someone in my writer's group once wrote a scene about two people at a party who were having a secret love affair. The crowd, the noise, the music, the lights--everything--the party swirled around them and filled the room. But the two of them could think of nothing else but each other. They were hyper-aware of each other, but they couldn't let anyone else know. The man ran a fingertip down the length of the woman's arm. That's all. They didn't otherwise touch, and they didn't even speak.

It was so erotic, that I still remember it, years later.

So what made it erotic? The tension, the longing, the wanting but not having. I want to remember this the next time I write a scene.

"Pleasant unpleasantness"

...or "unpleasant pleasantness." It's something I invented to use when I need to come up with a new phrase. I found myself using similar descriptions over and over, and getting stalled in the middle of a heated scene.

I take out my thesaurus--again with the thesaurus!--and I jot down synonyms for "pleasant" or "pleasure" or words like it. Examples: delight, please, thrill, enjoy, gratify, joy.

Then I jot down synonyms for "unpleasant." Examples: torture, suffer, ache, torment, anguish.

Combining one from column A and one from column B, you get:
delightful torture
thrilling torment
joyful suffering

It works the other way around, too:
anguishing thrill
aching delight
tormented gratification

Excercise:
When your characters are on the plateau before orgasm, give them some "pleasant unpleasantness" or "unpleasant pleasantness." They will be achingly grateful, and delightfully anguished.

Thesaurus--part 2

Ever notice how a lot of words and phrases about food, cooking, and eating are also used sexually?

hunger, ravage, lick, nibble, sweet, crave, relish, lavish, savor, zest, spice, dainty, satisfying, simmer, melt, scorch, heat up, tantalize, intoxicating...

Exercise: Make your own list. Write a scene invloving a meal, and without mentioning sex or sexual terms, show how much one participant desires and/or teases another. How delicious!

NaNoWriMo begins today!

NaNoWriMo (National Novel Writing Month) began at midnight--time to get the laptop heated up. Nothing like the excitement of a world-wide, month-long write-in!

NaNoWriMo

Publishers' Guidelines

To get an idea about what publishers are looking for, or for some excellent advice about writing, send for the submission guidelines, or look for them online.

Black Lace has published the first and some of the best--in my humble opinion--erotica for women in the last 15 years. They have detailed guidelines outlined on their website, even though they have announced they have suspended publishing for 2010. Let's hope it's not permanent:

Black Lace Guidelines

Harlequin Romance--yes, that Harlequin--is publishing erotica through their Spice imprint. Here is an article with some good advice from their website:

Writing Dirty

Here are some links to publishers from Erotica Readers and Writers Association:

Call for Submissions and Writers' Guidelines

Thesaurus

I make up my own mini-thesaurus to help me choose other words for "penis" or "clitoris" when I don't want to use the same words over and over again, and I don't want to use the silly euphemisms you'll find in some romance novels ("male member" or "love button"). I take my cue from the POV character, and use the language they would use (maybe "cock" or "pearl").

For the seduction and foreplay I usually start out leaning towards the sweetly romantic words and phrases, then as it gets more tumultuous, the words might get downright crude. If I have a list ahead of time, I don't have to stop in my tracks in the middle of a sentence to figure out what word to use.

Exercise:
Make up your own mini-thesaurus describing body parts or the sex act.



When I plan a scene, I think about its motif or theme, and I take out the thesaurus and jot down every sensual word I find that might fit. I'll fill up a whole page. Then, when it's time to write, I have my lovely list handy.

Recently I wrote a shower scene, and here's some of my listed words: wet, slick, slippery, slide, dew, vapor, mist, glide, fluid, liquid, moist, froth, lather, creamy, soapy, seethe, simmer. (Notice I didn't write down yucky words like sopping, marshy, or soggy.) I kept the list handy as I wrote, and even though I didn't use everything, it did inspire me.

Exercise:
Come up with a motif or theme for a scene. It can be anything: beach, garden, dance, fire, music, food, weather, etc. Look up the word in your thesaurus, and let one word suggest another. Don't stop to think about how you will use a word--keep flipping through the thesaurus and jot down any words you like. Fill up a whole page or several index cards. Now go ahead and write that scene.

NaNoWriMo: National Novel Writing Month

November is National Novel Writing Month, so time to start planning. It's fun, and it's a great way to immerse yourself in your writing. The most important thing I learned from participating the last 4 years, is that there's plenty of time to write if you look for it. I ended up with a complete first draft of a novel last year and the year before. (Still editing, but one is getting close to being finished. Keep posted for details!)

Check out the website:
http://www.nanowrimo.org/

Protection?

I know some out there think the issue of protection is a distraction. I used to think so, too--until I recently read a story where there was no mention of it, and I wanted to shout out to them, "Hey! Stop! Be careful!" It was more of a distraction for me when the author left it out.

There are lots of ways to incorporate those little foil or cellophane packets into the foreplay, and still keep the scene romantic or hot. And you can always set the story in the 60s or 70s, that wonderful window of opportunity between the availability of the birth control pill, and the onset of deadly serious STDs.

Beginning with Characters

I begin with the characters, because I believe that the characters drive the story--they determine every action, and their actions determine the outcome. You have to know your characters, know what they will do or say in a given situation, and how they will do it or say it.

Readers want to care what happens in a book, which means they want to care about what happens to the characters. Otherwise, it's just bodies going through the motions. Yawn.

How do I come up with characters? I'll make a list of names, then cross them out, one by one, until I find a name I like. I read a lot of psychology books, and books about relationships. Elmore Leonard says he "interviews" his characters before he begins to write.

Exercise:
Look in the library for the kind of book new parents refer to when naming their little darlings. Pick out a name and make out a kind of inventory for them: what would this character look like? What does she have in her purse? What does he eat for lunch? What kind of job, house, pet, family, past does this character have? What does this character want more than anything? What's the worst thing that could happen to this character? Those last two questions could determine your whole story.

Do the same thing for a second character, then imagine the two of them in the same room. An exciting story is when the worst thing for one character is what's most wanted by another character.

On my bookshelf:
Beyond Jennifer and Jason by Linda Rosenkrantz and Pamela Redmond Satran

The Complete Writer's Guide to Heroes and Heroines by Tami D. Cowden, Caro LaFever, and Sue Viders

45 Master Characters by Victoria Schmidt

Just Your Type by Paul D. Tieger and Barbara Barron-Tieger

First--What is Erotica?

Let me get this out of the way right away: My stories are not about my life or even what I would wish to happen in real life. Real life can be kind of boring, and, well, messy. But I do like to joke that I keep having to stop writing to do more research.

What's erotica. It's not porn, and it's not necessarily romance. Erotica engages the senses to arouse the reader, where porn merely describes the action, sometimes crudely. In genre romance, the reader expects a beautiful heroine and a hunky hero to meet, fall madly in love, and live happily ever after.

In erotica, the heroine doesn't necessarily have the same partner throughout the story, and she may not have a permanent relationship by the end. She explores her sexuality, often discovering the kinky side of herself. The sex is the story--without the sex, there is no story.

In my own writing, and in most currently published erotica, the sex is consensual, the characters are of legal age, and everyone enjoys themselves. I also make sure everyone uses protection, but that's a whole separate topic.

I am currently working on an erotic novel, and I'm using this blog to keep a record of what I learn along the way. I'm not an expert, but I hope that other writers of erotica will find the results helpful.

Let's get some good writing out there and keep the publishers busy!